A Safekeeping Journal of the Fatherless Children - Log 2: Flicker

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْم

Did you know that a few days before my 31st birthday, Abah texted me and asked me to join him for Umrah next year (March 2023). With a heavy heart, I didn't even reply to the text, cause I know how persuasive he could be. I'm still juggling my finances and all, In fact, he did ask all 6 of his kids to join him for that Umrah. Eventually, he managed to get my sister's (Kak Yan) interest to join. (*after a certain extent of negotiations too). 

Long story short, their Umrah trip was scheduled from 4th March - 15th March. The 15th was their touchdown in Malaysia. So before the departure, we were talking about my parent's preparation for the pilgrimage, their health check, their mental check, and who's going to take care of the house, cause only my brother lives here beside them. There were these questions passed around between me and my siblings. What needs to be settled first, cause you know the saying of people going to Umrah/Haji, they shouldn't be worried about what's left at home, as they need to correct their intention of performing ibadah.

Saturday

4th March 2023

If I could remember correctly, there were a few times that I checked on both my parents that night after I arrived home. Whether they have all their goods ready, clothing, medicines, towels, and toiletries, but a lot of the discussion was between me and my sis, since she's the chaperone. She was concerned of who'll be driving them to the airport, and what time shall everyone gather together before one trip there. So that morning, around 2AM, Mom's younger sister, Bik Ani arrived with her family. Did I tell you that she'll be joining the trio, so it's the four of them. 

Since the departure was scheduled for around 845AM that morning, and all Jemaah needs to check in luggage at least 2 hours before that, and the agency requires them to be there even earlier than that, Kak Yan asked everybody to gather around 2AM+, which I laughed it off, cause knowing my family, we won't be on time, and that stresses her out. I remember we departed from home around 320AM and reaches KLIA at around 4AM. Wasn't so bad right? Plus we can't really go in and check in luggage, cause according to the agency, the counter will only open at 6AM. 

So there goes the waiting game. The whole available seats in level 5 were occupied by Jemaah Umrah from various agencies and tourists waiting for their flights. There wasn't much going on, and we only talked amongst each other. Making sure my mom, Bik Ani, Abah, and Kak Yan were fully rested. Around 5AM, the agency distributed breakfast to all Jemaah, and Abah only ate the rice, cause it's fried rice with fried chicken, and Abah can't eat chicken. 

After we checked in luggage, we gather around, exchanged stories, and pictures were taken, big smiles on everyone's faces. It was almost 8AM when they were allowed to pass the gate to go to the immigration so before that, there were hugs, kisses, and cries. I kissed Abah, Mak, Kak Yan, and Bik Ani a few times on the cheeks and forehead, and I was quickly disheartened by the fact that this was goodbye, at least for now. Cried a little, but I taught myself to show strength, cause heck my Mom was super steady, she even overtook the rest of the Jemaah to be in the front row, how even?

The rest of my siblings went home almost right away when the shadows of the four of them disappeared at the departure hall, but Kak Farah, Kak Ida, and I went ahead to the observation deck and waited a few more minutes to see them pass us by. I even managed to get a video of Abah waving at us, gloriously as if saying, "Abah pergi dulu, jaga diri." It wasn't necessarily sad, but more of a humbling feeling. 

We sat there, waiting for their flights to take off - but since it was still early, we saw the bus drive away to Terminal 3, and their plane Oman Air was waiting for them. So after a long empty look, we took off. 

In Between 

Kak Yan updated a few photos of how picturesque Makkah and Madinah were. You could feel the holy city, and everyone let out this humbling vibe of trying their level best to be the most obedient servant to the greater god, Allah swt. 

Just that, on the 4th day of the trip, Abah fell sick. He was having an on-off fever, and lost his appetite to eat heavy meals, which then leads to him not having enough energy to perform wholeheartedly in Makkah. Kak Yan was overwhelmed and often shared to us that she's worried of Abah's condition. 

Lucky for Abah, he was taken care of by the amazing Jemaah in the agency, they gave him meds, made sure that he have something to eat, and got plenty of rest. According to Mom, Abah even manage to do all the ibadah wajib, if not with a companion, he did it alone. The cough he was having, that fever, he kept saying, those were his tests.

We did text occasionally throughout his trip there. Abah dekat mana? Abah dah makan ke belum? Abah mcm mana harini? All the cliche questions we would ask our parents when they were away from us. He did tell me that his fever made him uncomfortable. He was having a runny nose and lost his appetite to eat. So being a bossy youngest child, I told him to wear a few layers of clothing during nighttime, drink a lot of air zamzam, don't forget to eat his meds, and take vitamin C, which atypically, he only replied with ya, InsyaAllah. 

It was around the same time that all 4 of them fell sick, cause of the weather changes. So Kak Yan updated us on how's Mom, and Bik Ani's condition was, but since Kak Yan herself was sick, she couldn't talk much, cause her chest was heavy with a dry cough. 

Abah updated me with pictures surrounding his hotel room. The sunrise, with the caption: Suria pagi dari bumi Madinah. Though it wasn't the best sunrise picture in history, that's the most special sunrise picture to me. The same day he was sharing that last night, he was feeling super cold and his whole body shivered and he felt like dying. To which I responded "Abah pakailah dua tiga lapis baju", and he replied with a simple "Ya."

Occasionally, he did share some pictures, and videos of himself during the visit, some selfies from the group, and updated that he was doing okay, that he had already eaten his medicine, and last one was when he told me that he was waiting for Asr prayers at 350PM. 

Wednesday

15th March 2023

I swear it was super early in the morning that my lazy ass usually needed at least 3-4 sets of alarms to get me to awaken, but it was almost automatically that I'm wide awake. It was right after Subuh prayer that Abg Mie and I drove off to KLIA. The air was cold, the sky was still dark, and just a little brim of lights on our way there. I put on the Flight Radar app on my phone, and the plane safely landed around 7AM sharp. That morning was rather calm, with not too many people hustling out, I waited patiently at the International Arrival gate. And there I saw Bik Ani and Mak walking slowly, and Abah follow suit, but Kak Yan was left at the luggage collection. 

The three of them look lethargic, perhaps the jetlag. There was some issue with Mak and Kak Yan's luggage that needed settling, but Angah drove off with Mak and Abah first. 

All I know was that they slept like a baby for the first few hours when they arrived home. Adjusting to the timezone again, adapting to the home country's weather again. It all seems normal at first. until we all gather for a meal that late evening, Abah didn't join us. When I went to check, his temperature spiked, and he was shivering crazily. 

Panicly, I went to get a wet towel to pat his head and the balance coconut drinks that we bought earlier this morning. For him to drink, so that he could pee away the heat. Fed him some soup, but he refused to eat it, he only sips a lot of the coconut drink, and I gave him a couple of paracetamol. 

So the fever prolonged even after he touched down home. We were worried-sick, and asked him a couple of times shall we take him to the clinic, but again, he shooked his head. That night after Maghrib, I bathed him, and the temperature receded a bit, and he manage to sleep it off. 

Along and Kak Long came to visit, Along massaged Abah's leg gently, and Kak Long cooked some rice porridge. If I knew then, I should've stayed to take care of Abah that night, but I left cause I gotta go back to the office the very next day.

I was praying hard that Allah could grant him his health back, fight off the painful fever, and bring Abah back to his feet. But I know nothing of how the story will go. And to how long I was dueling with this heavy feeling, it's like flickering lights from a candle that's been burning to its wick-end.

-to be continued.